Perrrrrfect

I honestly can't believe I'm blogging right now. It's a little after 1:30am, in about 6 hours I have to be up dropping my brothers off to school.. but I have so much to say. If weren't so late and dark, I'd literally be running my mouth off.. I have so many things to say if someone were crazy enough to stay up and listen to me. Geeez.. so shall I begin?

One of the main reasons I'm finally blogging after what, 5 months? Dang, 5 months haha. Well is because I feel like it's the PERFECT timing where I am going to make change in my life. I guess I can call this a turning point, reality check, whatever you'd like to call it.

When things start to make sense, and the lightbulb pops up, or that missing puzzle piece comes in, you're just thinking oh.............WOW. DAMN. FOREAL? Not all these little things that happen are bad but sometimes, at least for a person like me, it hits home hard. Most of the time if that little piece had come in sooner, things would've made a whole much more sense. I don't get irritated until I realize I didn't have to do all the things I did. Just like I wasted time; used too much of my own energy. Too nice, too caring, too everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that all my life, I've been always looking out to for others to be happy moreso than for myself. This doesn't mean now I'm going to be a careless, heartless person, no noooo, never that. It's just now I feel like focusing more on me. Make me happy. Not that I haven't my whole life, but I could use more "me" time. I'm also trying to teach myself to be ok with not always doing every little thing. If I can, I can. If I can't, I can't. Am I making sense? Hope so. This goes for everything in my life.. not just one particular part, but everything.

Another reason why I'm blogging is to say thanks. Thanks for not doing something I thought should've and could've done, because now I got to realize it on my own. Now, I'm going to get on with life without it, bringing along with me those that matter the most to me. I really thought everything in life is worth at least trying for, but guess not for the things that don't even care. So oddly, that is what I've learned.

Change is what will be happening for me. Whether it be mentally, physically, etc. I have a good head on my shoulders for the 18, almost 19 years of my life so far, and I plan on keeping it that way. I only strive for the best, because I know I only deserve the best. I'm not going to let anything drag me down, or tell me I can't do something. I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I believe is the best. This may come off too conceited, picky, oh well. My life, and this is how I'll live it.

So I'll end this long ass blog with the quote/phrase/saying I live by, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. And I sure know it does. I'm ready to see what life has yet in store for me. If I'm speaking literally.. my birthday is coming up in less than a month! Turning 19, finally! Fall has yet to come into play with the hot weather, but I'm getting ready. Halloween might be something to look forward to. Then comes November with a competition maybe, and thanksgiving. Then of course my favorite month, December.. the month that is always filled with lots of love, family and food. I'm glad I'm up and ready for everything that's heading towards me.

Well that is all I had to say.. If you've never heard this side of me, well Hello then. It doesn't come out often, but maybe you just might have to get used to it. :)

<3Ivana

still

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/5449052171
Go listen to my old playlist. It has some pretty old ass songs! Haha. I added like 10 more songs, but the rest are from senior year and before then. Eeeek, I'm getting old! You're getting old! We're all getting old! Haha..

I have a geography essay due tomorrow, along with its final. Woop woop.. 2 more finals left after that. Plans for the weekend... watch angels & demons? Support brother at basketball tourny? Church. Then study of course.

Me and nicole don't know what we got ourselves into by taking an online business class together haha. Jkkkkkkk. We can dooo it. Can't wait for summer! "Summer days just sittin' around but when the sun goes down I'll be ready to partyyyyyyy" :)

Haha, really though. Ok must go back to writing my last essay and study. Good luck to everyone with midterms/finals!

<3 vana

in 6 hours

I'm trying to knock out, but so much is my mind.

I have a final in 7 hours and have to wake up in 6 hours. Why am I up?! I shouldn't be.. I should be resting my brain so I can write my essay tomorrow for my english final. That'll be 1 out of 5 finals.

So today, I tried to figure out what I'm going to do with myself and summer school. After calling the office, looking at class schedules, and then literally writing out my life for the next year, it was pretty crazy. How can we all map out our futures in such a small amount of time? I'm not even done with finals yet, but I already have to think about new classes. I know we are all on our own paths.. but it's still crazy to think about how we're slightly forced to pick our future. Like now, now, NOW. Idk, maybe it's my sleepyness kicking and now I'm just whining about school. Oh well..

Other than that, I'm glad the weather is getting better. Sun is out, but it's still breezy; just how I like it. Let's hope it gets a little more warmer, and we can all go to the beach! Ha.. oh did I ever say how much I love my gfs?! Well I truly love them. I get grounded when I talk to each and every one of them, about anythinggggg. School, boys, food, whatever. I'm thankful they're all here. Which is definitely another reason why I love summer!

Well, that's all I have to say. And I guess I'll be writing in here more than I thought would. Anywho, wish me luck on my final! And cass too. Have a good day. It's all up to you on how the day goes..

<3Vana

you're only 2 weeks away

Hellooo. Even though no one is reading this, I'll let my mind spill before I go knock out.

So.. it's MAY now! Crazzzzzy. School has been going and going.. I have my first final this saturday. My last one is on the 20th.. then I'm freee! Summer here I come :) Starting tomorrow until then I'll be filled with hella homework, especially this weekend. I have so much to do, its not even scaring me nomore, it's making me laugh! Lol. Sounds retarded aye? Oh well. I guess I just kinda realized today how much of a workload I'll be having this weekend. And... there's so much going on this weekend. Su's coming home, sister has a show, and then my final. Maybe a dance workshop too! But I just keep trying to tell myself.. 2 more weeks, 2 more weeks. It's still unbelievable to say my first year in college is over in 2 weeks! So even though I'll be officially on summer break on the 20th, I'll be taking summer classes at Chabot, most likely. I'll have a month off basically, then back to (summer) school lol. Hopefully everything works out and I get the classes I want, a job, and free time for my lovelies. Really happy and excited summer is near. If you know me well, you know I try hard to not show whats on my mind or talk about it. Try to hide it, kinda. I'm happy on the surface, but in time I hope my own personal stuff gets better. I keep praying! Got to keep praying. But on a brighter note.. the weather is slowly getting hotter. Yay, yeah? Time to pop out ALL our summer clothes. (:

Well I think that is all I have to say for now.. gonna rest up for my chillax day tomorrow haha. School until 1:15.. and then practice at 7:30. Ok boos, til next time! <3

3 years?

I can't believe I've made another online journal haha. I used to have an xanga, but I stopped writing in it because to me at the time, I felt like it was useless and I should've been doing better things. Butyaknowhattt, having a journal, whether it be online or a diary, can actually help a person out. You need to get your thoughts out? Write/type it out. Haha so here I am, near the end of my 2nd semester in college writing a blog.. when the last time I wrote one was at the end of my summer in 2006. I was about to be a JUNIOR then... CRAZY! Time truly does fly. I guess now I know why I kinda stopped my xanga, junior year was the "hardest year in high school". But I am telling myself now.. I made this blogspot so I can blahblahblah all I want whenever I have thoughts jumping around in my head. I'll update this whenever, but not like I did on xanga which was like DAILY haha.

Oh yeah, today is Easter. HAPPY EASTER! Not that anyone will read this on Easter, no one knows I made this yet. Haha well anyway, it is almost 5am, and I have mass at 12pm. My bff, insomnia. :\ Goodnight/morning!